The Ultimate Alpha Female

When the Alpha Female meets her Alpha Male, the sparks fly. In fiction, she is the kick-ass female, the one who gets things done.

Alpha Females exist in real life, but historically society has forced women to hide their Alpha tendencies. All women have some alpha female characteristics, but not all and not to the extreme.

The Alpha Female is physically different. For most women, the ring and index fingers will be the same length. On about 10% of women – those exposed to higher levels of testosterone during pre-natal development – have longer ring fingers. Although heterosexual, the brains of these women are neurologically wired to think like men – but they do so with feminine flare.

How is she different from the other women?
  • Task focused. Single minded.
  • Athletic, more physical than other women.
  • She is determined, bold, and a competitive high achiever.
  • Career is part of their identity.
  • Does not want to be tied down to family. She is not primarily interested in children and may not want children.
  • Higher sexual libido. Can enjoy one-night-stands with no regrets.
  • Emotionally self sufficient.
  • More aggressive. Actively pursues power and status. A risk taker.
  • Enjoys recognition but doesn’t need approval from peers.
  • Gets straight to the point without social chat (a trait expected in Alpha Males, but makes the Alpha female seem rude, abrupt, aggressive, arrogant, a bitch).
  • Closer relationship to father than mother.
  • Tend to be left handed.
  • Fiercely independent – not looking for a man to take care of her, she takes care of herself.
  • She may outright reject social conventions like marriage, religion, and government.

Traits She Shares with Alpha Males
  • Self-confidence - comfortable in her skin, loves her body, takes car of herself, works out and eats right.
  • Always dresses to impress. She is properly groomed, clean and smells sexy.
  • Doesn't spend time in front of a mirror. Not vain. Knows she looks good.
  • Her eyes speak for her. If she wants you to know what she is thinking or feeling, she will show with her eyes - but also won’t hesitate to tell you in words.
  • She leads and expects everyone to follow.
  • She doesn't care what people think of her.
  • Gives her opinions - doesn't wait to be asked.
  • Intelligent, well informed, resourceful.
  • Not afraid of the unexpected or unknown - she knows she can handle any situation. Fights for what is hers.
  • Honor, integrity, and loyalty - demands the same qualities in those she considers her friends/allies.
  • She's busy, has a full life, enjoys a variety of activities (many considered male), finds pleasure in everything she does.
  • Recognizes others - she remembers the people she's met, laughs at their jokes, acknowledges their ideas, makes them feel important.
  • Self-focused but not selfish.
  • Well-developed sense of humor - laughs at herself and the rest of the world, makes others laugh.
  • Sucks people into her world; she's interesting, charismatic, makes people feel comfortable and welcome.

The Protector of Pack and Home
  • Tend to “run in packs” with other Alpha females.
  • Fiercely protective of herself, her family and everyone she loves.
  • Nature created her to lead her family and community.
  • She is selective about who she invites into her private life.
  • She is well prepared for her own survival and for those she loves.
  • Cares about others and all her relationships. Enjoys the comfort of close friends
  • Looks for the best for others.
  • She won’t allow others take advantage of her or those she loves
  • The leader in the workplace and in her community.
  • Prevents others from trying to take advantage of her, her family and her friends. If anyone should try, the alpha female will shun them, leave them, find ways to eliminated or hurt them. She will hurt those who mess with her and her pack.

Other Alpha Female Characteristics
  • Good at persuasion. She asserts herself. Can use intimidation elegantly until others agree or close their mouths.
  • Charisma; charms others into getting her way and accomplishing her goals. Pleasing personality; warm, friendly, and emotionally strong. She knows how and when to move from charisma to intimidation.
  • Tough and ready for whatever threats may come. Uses her personal power.
  • Intelligent, blessed with wisdom. Doesn’t neglect her common-sense.
  • Knows she is unique; she is sure of herself.
  • Feels she deserves the best in everything.
  • Strong and brave in all she does. She is fearless. Oozes self-confidence.
  • Knows when to be a lady.
  • She has her own style, uniquely herself and guided by her own values.
  • Her ideas are most important; she’s at the top of the food chain.
  • She can hold her own in the boardroom, bedroom, or on the street. She commands respect.
  • She is dynamic, has presence and doesn’t blend in with the crowd. She’s charismatic and can work a room.
  • She knows what she wants/feels/needs and expresses her desires.
  • She’s easy-going and doesn’t throw tantrums, whine, bitch or nag. Doesn’t act like a child. She isn’t needy.
  • She is comfortable with herself. She has a sense of humor and smiles and laughs, even at herself when appropriate. She enjoys life. Knows when to admit her weaknesses.
  • She is a good conversationalist, not about gossip or daytime TV. She has opinions, interests and passions.
  • Actively purses dreams or goals; building her own empire to rule.
  • Solitude nourishes her.
  • She gets what she wants, when she wants it.
  • She follows her feelings and reasons for those feelings.
  • She was the childhood buddy that went on adventures with boys who morphed into the vixen who gives a man adventures in the bedroom.
  • Has a hint of masculinity, i.e. likes sports, sex, politics, intellectual interests.
  • Revels in her femininity.

The Alpha Female and Male Relationships
  • Alpha females step over non-Alpha men if they let her.
  • May select men who are at her beck and call.
  • She doesn't doubt she has the ability to get any man she wants.
  • She draws the attention of the available men in the room.
  • She isn't always the most beautiful or the one with the best personality. She is mysterious, interesting, a challenge.
  • Pays close attention to the signals of males around her. Yet she knows how to put them off if she isn't interested in them.
  • She will not beg for expensive gifts.
  • This woman likes to have fun, especially with men.
  • She wears the things that make her look pretty.
  • She moves her body in ways that make men think of sex.
  • She openly flirts with men.
  • She may anticipate a future in which she dies alone, without a partner or children.
  • She may not realize that the characteristics that bring her success in the outside world may undermine her romantic relationships.

How Men See Alpha Females
  • Men find Alpha females intriguing – women tend to hate them.
  • Men find them a challenge and love the thrill from the competition to gain her attention.
  • Men want to capture, tame and dominate her. She knows and won’t let them.
  • Chasing an alpha female is intriguing but also exhausting for most men.
  • She can be seen as an Ice Queen.

The Dating Game for Alpha Females
  • She dates more than one man at a time.
  • She sets up the dates and will often be busy when HE asks.
  • She pays for the movie tickets, to get into clubs, and for food.
  • She won’t put herself in a position where she owes a man.
  • Men have to use more than charm, smile, or her flowers to appeal to an alpha female; they need to be creative.

When She Finds “The One”
  • Sparks fly when they meet and learn about each other. “The immovable object (him) meets the irresistible force (her).”
  • They constantly fight (with great make-up sex) in their struggle to find a compromise.
  • Her Alpha Male has the courage to take the lead in the relationship.
  • He will NOT be someone she needs to mother.
  • Her femininity makes a man feel like a man.
  • He appreciates her for who she is, doesn't attempt to change her.
  • She may choose to submit to his dominance (for the most part) because he allows her to be herself.

Body Language
  • Smiles with her eyes and her lips.
  • Radiates the goddess within.
  • Enjoys her body and the way it moves.
  • Stands tall, head up, shoulders back.
  • Deliberate movement with grace and elegance.
  • Walks with confidence, accentuates hip sway.
  • Doesn't scan the room. Knows she is the center of attention.
  • Maintains a comfortable stance, doesn't shift positions.
  • Stance accentuates curve of the waist and/or lower back
  • Hand gestures are slow, deliberate, and animated.

In fiction, Ultimate Alpha Females are often used as antagonist, blocking character or fem fatal due to their aggressive (not seen as feminine) behavior and thought patterns.

But the Alpha Female has become the heroine of choice in paranormal/fantasy stories. She is the kick-ass vampire hunter and the ardent adventurer.

Written with the correct mix of female charm, charisma, and athletic ability, the Alpha Female makes for a complex heroine, one who is as intelligent, strong, and determined enough to safe herself from the villain and earn the everlasting love of the Ultimate Alpha Male.


  1. Wow - that's quite a list. Fascinating.

  2. I second what Daryl said. Great post.

  3. Awesome post! Interesting list, sounds like a fun character to write.

  4. I agree! This is a great list for character development. Thanks for sharing!

  5. I love this. Sorry it's taken me so long to respond. GOD life has been hectic.